As someone who works in customer service and is literally paid to be nice to you, please dont do it. It's also good to sanity-check your own motivations. Back to the prerequisites of whimsy. Test more. Additionally, try bringing up topics that have nothing do with romance; discussing something lighthearted may make things less intense and create a more relaxed atmosphere between both of you which could ultimately lead towards a positive outcome! This is impolite and quite creepy. Book club. Idiot. Well whats some do's and dont's. It puts me in an awkward position, and moreover, I dont want to feel sexualized at work. Religious group. You don't want to be banned for harassing employees who didn't want to date you. This was in the rural South and I was a very, very closeted gay woman. Hello, OP here. Most people take it wellexcept for this one guy who literally followed him around the store, essentially catcalling him and making really inappropriate comments. He has been active in the world of showbusiness for, Press the Options/Menu button on your controller and select Quit Story Mission and then restart from the chapter selection screen. When I worked retail, I got hit on a few times by male customers. A simple compliment or two can go a long way in making a good impression on someone; let them know what drew you towards them in the first place! At any rate, I dont want to do anything to make him uncomfortable, and if things go awry then Ill most likely try to avoid him or stop shopping at this place altogether, which would be really inconvenient, so would really appreciate your advice. If youd like to try that, heres my number; otherwise, Im happy just to encounter you as an awesome barista/whatever.. Can you try something more neutral, like inviting him out to hang out with you and a group of friends? We never talked beside "hello". Like youre causing major pain to someone by giving them your #. And it was always a minefield to navigate. Don't offer compliments, rather, try to just be friendly. WebHow To Ask A Cashier Out? I may or may not have drunk texted him after that and needless to say, we never ended up dating. To help us answer, can you edit to give some more detail on the "signs she gave you" which seem promising? Like, just reading the net, its easy to get the impression that a good 80% of men are creepsters. Anyway, Ive taken to wearing a gold band on my ring finger to discourage that behavior, but men dont seem to notice. I think he was banned from campus finally because I never saw him again. Well, maybe I'll see you there! _ism_ OP here, I know where youre coming from. Holy cats, it was painful to watch him. Youre the second person to mention Facebook. And this is where our similarities come in to play: I was thinking, had I not had a girlfriend, would I ask this girl out? If you naturally pass by there, it may be OK to stop for chit-chat. I cant figure out a way to work cheese into this at all though, unfortunately :) I know what you mean about the manager thing: hes older and its one of those places where managers are expected to do everything that their employees do so I dont know if he is or not. You can guess empowered is too, but there's a third: ability. They get stared at & aggressively flirted with on a regular basis. I suspect answers can be highly different depending on the cultural context. So I guess its possible for these things to work out. We talk every day and meet a few times a week. To the owner of the shop. In this case, it's simple: you get rejected. Well, the tricky thing about asking out someone in a customer service position is that their job requires them to be nice to you. I must be old fashioned too, how in the heck are people supposed to meet these days if you dont want to do so at bars or online? should I wear my wedding ring to an interview, client demands unlimited time, and more. And if he doesnt call you actually have to forget the incident ever happened, for real no joke you actually have to. It has majorly given way to the You brought me my omelet and now were SOULMATES crowd, orat least in my citypeople not-so-discreetly trying to find prostitutes they used to, uh, frequent (that came out awful, but I dont know how else to put it). I only said yes once, mostly because he was polite, unassuming, and I did not feel harassed for a change. WebBe well dressed. Ill remain concerned that if a trend of two people people meeting public and getting to know each other has become zomg dangerous and exploitative, and dont know how yall are going to make it through. I was the only female that worked there, and getting hit on generally happened in two categories. what are the minimum benefits an employer needs to provide? Q: How should I approach the cashier? She went to Spain on vacation, bought a bunch of cheese, and casually mentioned it to him one day, saying, It might be fun for you to come over and try some of it with me.. The world is as creepy as its always been, but women have been learning to push back against some of the crap that society heaps on them as a punishment for merely existing and being female. My main concern was that I didnt want to put this person in an uncomfortable position or jeopardize his job, and what youve recommended sounds like it would work so thanks very much for the advice :), Oops, that was supposed to be a response to and we danced from the ocean. This will make things even more uncomfortable/annoying for the employee and might even cause her to face a reprimand at work if her employer doesn't fully understand what happened. Asking someone out should never sound like a mere business transaction; this could put off anyone from accepting your invitation! I've seen her fairly often just a matter of time. If you decide to ignore this advice and try to ask them out, you need to understand that it's highly likely that they aren't into you. Each party is still evaluating the other.). He got aggressive with her when he found out I wasnt there, demanding to know where I was and when Id be back. Just be subtle about it and see where it goes. and our I remember the last time we were shopping at an REI a lady cashier (Im guessing who also assists with the wall-climbing area) was talking to a guy (I think who also works at the wall-climbing area too). Ask her out. A better idea would be to go b No. While giving your note you could say: [while receiving your change] "Thanksand oh this is for you You can read it later! And I just want to get my paycheck and go home. But, I got hit on so frequently, I would have loved to stop it. Once you feel (please, do try to assess objectively) she's feeling somewhat comfortable, go in for a more direct hit. Although once I did meet a very nice young man who sneaked back in after his party had left to ask me for my phone number but promised that he would never sit in my section again if that embarrassed me or made me uncomfortable. OP, are you sure neither of these things area happening here? Because of that, it can be easy to mistakenly misinterpret them doing their job (being nice to you) as social/romantic interest. He was confused she asked, Did you really think one person could eat that much corn?. I don't believe I do haha. I generally agree that it is usually best not to ask people out at work. However, it has happened from time-to-time. Having been on the receiving Because its *just* flirting? Poor, oblivious Husband. Its really helping me to figure out what to do (and Ive been debating this with myself for awhile now) and Im really grateful that so many people chose to respond. I used to work retail and used to get both hit on and asked out a lot. The problem? The gender gap in pay has remained relatively stable in the United States over the past 20 years or so. Yes, and if you work in retail and your boss is an arsehole who thinks making a customer unhappy is a fireable offence or just if the one whos asking you out wont stop bugging you at work, etc etc. That is, Cheese Guy was not an 18 year old cashier, he was the cheese manager for the chain. Im sure there are plenty of wonderful people who have found their partner by asking someone out while they are at work, but Im also sure there are plenty of people who have found partners by asking out their employeesthat doesnt mean the power dynamic isnt there, and that we should generally caution against it as a result. You could try asking them out if you happened to run into them outside of work, however, they know who you are so it still makes it awkward if you go back to where they work. I loved the store and my job and loved that part of it was to talk about my interests with customers who shared those interests. I guess Im just a bit pessimistic in that it rarely happens that way. Privacy Policy and Affiliate Disclosures, I own a game store with a terrible manager who I'm afraid to fire. No one likes that. That's what "creepy" means. For instance - southern Europe here - to me it's perfectly acceptable to engage in small talk with the cashier. I dont think Ive actually ever met a rando in public and ended up dating them for more than one date (and very, very few of those). Ex: "I enjoy that they let you try lots of different wines from all around the world! Asking her 10 times more won't bring a better result. How Old Is Al Haitham Genshin? Id go even lower than your suggestion though, which still sounds like a clear request for a date. About a decade ago, I worked in a store that had mostly male customers. Thats a great approach. ask her out. Privacy Policy. As a woman, Im also flattered when Im politely asked out, even though I do not accept the invitations (Im married). There are probably a lot of gender dynamics at play too (Im a female, I asked out a male) if the roles were reversed it may feel more awkward. It has to be something any random girl would find enjoyable all by itself even if you weren't involved. But don't do it at her work. And if that goes well, then you have created a good opportunity to ask her on a real date. Also OP, I wonder if you have looked for him on online dating sites? And the employee has to assume you might be one of those jerks in choosing how to respond to you if she doesnt want to lose her tip or get a complaint. Oh wait, I did actually end up in a four year relationship that had been a customer and he ended up being a creep with major control issues, but that could have happened no matter where we had met. I was thinking the same thing. It's public enough (assuming there's people around) and therefore reasonably safe, but private enough to not be embarassing. Please have some respect and let me have my JOB as a safe space! Yes I definitely want to be cool about it and subtle and your story is inspiring! Ive never worked in retail and dont really have the personality where I would feel comfortable asking somebody out first, but I really like these stories! Slightly OT but those ads were my free entertainment when I was unemployed. Good day!". I know you will, though, I believe questions related to love on this site are mostly looking for that one answer of "do what your heart tells you", but seriously - your best bet, really is to establish rapport in another way. And I would tell a couple of friends where I was going and who I was with. I hated that aspect. I am 21 years old and living in a large city in Germany where smalltalk in local markets is not a common thing. It also means that you have to go out of your way to make them comfortable if they do say no (no signs of resentment or bitterness or other weirdness), because after all youdid take therisk of asking someone out in their place of work. WebCashier responsibilities include receiving payments and issuing receipts, gift-wrapping packages and keeping track of all cash and credit transactions. Yes, retail employees get hit on a lot, but on the flip side, I always thought working retail was fun because I got to meet some cute guy customers. Sadly, some people prey on strangers they consider potentially vulnerable, regardless of gender. If theyre burning with desire, theyll run into you. New blog post from our CEO Prashanth: Community is the future of AI, Improving the copy in the close modal and post notices - 2023 edition. Youre just engaging through a different means of communication rather than face to face. Dont put him on the spot by forcing him to balance customer service with a romantic overture its unfair to him. You catch feelings after you get to know her, not before. Awkwardness is the enemy of whimsy. I have no idea if men in customer service experience this as well, but I know the men that I worked with almost never dealt with unwanted sexual attention from customers. The OP only seemed receptive to posts encouraging her to do it though. I realize this situation is reversed, but when I was single if I was asked out at the center the answer was, Im sorry, thats not allowed. Also, you werent allowed to give out your contact information either. I got asked out by a male repeat customer around my age who had always been polite, nonthreatening, was quite nice-looking, and very interesting to talk to. Asking her out directly seems like a bad idea. Instead, in these situations, I've found something that works much better for both of you. During yo Your best hope here is to have a random encounter with her in a more social setting like a bar, where it is a lot more socially acceptable to offer someone a drink/phone number if they indicate an interest in you. There really does seem to be something about the librarian/bookstore girl stereotype, and the kind of men that go for that, that makes things creepy. Personally I think the heres my number if you would like to talk when you are not at work approach sounds okay, although I totally understand the problem here. Unfortunately theres always the potential that someone could turn into a stalker. I used to work at a library too and we were always told not to give out our full names and to be vigilant of patrons. Q: How can I gain confidence to ask a cashier out? That would be some might serious dating phobia to have that reaction from a casual reach out, hed be quite the outlier with that level of panic. would come in, sit in your section, chat you up, and if you flirted back they tipped you well but if you didnt, or if you said, I have a boyfriend, you got no tip. I dated someone for 5 years he was a customer who asked me out. Its been over a YEAR since I had the nerve to try dating or asking anyone out and I had just decided its going to be this guy. Is it just me, or are libraries worse than other environments? The majority of guys were creepy and it was a huge irritant, especially if they were repeat offenders. What are the advantages of running a power tool on 240 V vs 120 V? A: After your date, maintain good posture by being respectful and honest with your words as well as your actions. I'd say just letting her know you exist, more than simply being a stranger is enough for now. Can anyone help me? You rarely get a sense of whether someones interesting when theyre being polite or friendly due to the nature of their job. Do NOT make any comments about their physical appearance, that will make it weird forever. They have to smile and pretend like everything you say is hilarious and engage in chitchat. Flirting doesnt bother me as long as the conversation doesnt get gross or rude. When I worked in the bookstore I stopped wearing my nametag (with the blessing of my awesome manager) entirely, because of all of the unwanted attention. Is it too early to have sex? Youd be surprised by how many people do misinterpret friendliness for genuine interest. TL;DR: I was 1000% sure this guy liked me, I asked him out and found out he didnt. It is not out of the realm of possibility that someone might make a complaint, factual or otherwise, about a retail worker who turned him/her down. (Then again, he might also think youre a shoplifter, for all I know But probably not.). I don't want to creep her out or make her uncomfortable, but I don't see her anywhere else to ask her. Are there any canonical examples of the Prime Directive being broken that aren't shown on screen? You know, the douche who asks every cute girl out and thinks he's hot shit. Im hoping, for the employees sake, it didnt. Flirting is fun! Meet a friendly stranger in a very public, preferably bright lit space and, preferably surrounded by old friends and family. It was actually terrifying wondering if hed show up again. A: The best way to gain confidence is to feel confident and know what to say. Yes, it was a common interest, but I also had a certain number of reservations and sales I needed to make. You could also do a step in between. It may be true, but I strongly suspect its not, and its a consequence of anecdotal data, how a creepy experience is much more memorable than a dull normal day at work, and so on. how in the heck are people supposed to meet these days if you dont want to do so at bars or online? (Helpful hint: if hell only text and wont talk on the phone, that is often a sign that he has an SO of some kind). The problem is that all the good intent in the world doesnt really change how the service person being put on the spot is going to react. I had to go back to the store later that week to pick something up. One night, I got all dressed up (hair in hot curlers and everything) and went to the drive thru to see him. An example could be, Hey so this is going to be super weird. But ultimately, I cant change who I am nor should I. Answers always gonna be no if you dont ask. Id like to find out what hes thinking, but its kind of awkward since since hes at work. Ugh. When people tell you over and over again that this behavior is not flattering or OK, replying with Yeah, but *I* wouldnt feel that way is about the opposite of empathy. Q: What should I do after taking a cashier on a date? He just seems interested. If she can't fit dating into her schedule or budget, if family or social or work issues prevent her (can she date customers?) A response that is far more common than a many guys seem to think. The point to all of that is, it is possible to hit on/ask a retail worker out without being creepy. everyone involved was confident that if she had declined, that would be the end of it. If the only conversation youve ever had is the normal chitchat when he rings up your purchases. Plenty of wise advice already. I also made sure none of his co-workers or any customers were nearby. Of course. She might even get her manager to deny you access to the store. But if he were really, really interested in the girl, might he not go to those places hoping to run into her? OP here, thanks for sharing your sweet, funny story. This was an attractive chick asking about his day, a little more than the usual perfunctory interaction. Dont ask out the waitress, or other person providing you customer service in order to survive. Restarting your mission in Red Dead Redemption 2 is relatively simple, provided you know where to go. In fact, the last time I was nice to the tax office woman, I asked her if I was the first dude not to yell at her today. WebHow To Ask A Cashier Out? The kind of experience you've had would seem alien to most cultures I've known, except somewhere like Sweden, perhaps? My SO is a manager of a retail store and gets attention from customers (both male and female) on a regular basis. Or something like that, I don't remember, it doesn't matter anyway. Oy vey! I can find out though and that might make things a little less fraught, dynamics-wise, if he is. It puts the ball in her court, but at the same time provides some asynchronous communication so that she doesn't have to react if she doesn't want to (which is why I said 'don't ask'). He was also very cool when I turned him down and he kept coming into the store, albeit maybe a little less frequently, and chit-chatted like nothing had happened (except for my red face because my face is my own worst enemy). Important: you give your number and dont ask for his number, and you do it on paper so that you dont need to text to his number or handle his phone to input anything. He may truly be interested but the power imbalance there makes it sort of uncomfortable. My question is how I can ask for her number, or ask her out for coffee while she is only sitting at the checkout? This is an advice about how to do it, now keep it mind that people mostly tell you not to do it. I worked retail all through college and I never really had anyone ask me out (apparently Im the exception based on these comments?) A woman, by her nature, is careful with whom she picks as her mate, biologically speaking, women carry a big responsibility for their off-spring. Thanks Aaron, Im the OP and appreciate your male perspective on this! -he remembered her each time, knew and remembered details about her (where she worked, what her schedule was like, her name), etc. She could always change her answer or answer in a positive way to give you more information. Do it OP. (Funny I mentally blocked that). Your a cashier right? This shouldn't stop you from being nice to the cashier, or the post/tax office girl. Most? At all the boring customer service jobs Ive ever had, my co-workers and I flirted recreationally with customers and each other. I usually just tried to be extra nice and funny about it without bringing in the orientation thing, then went on with the rest of my day. The world has always been creepy, you just werent aware of it. Take it easy, look how she reacts and accept it even if she is not interested in you. By following these steps, youll have gotten yourself one step closer to asking a cashier out! I think people are going a little overboard with the sexual objectification and harassment-type comments. Don't think a girl is attracted to you because she's doing her job. This will help reduce any anxiety and make it easier for you to get the words out when the time comes. Be bold with your words if possible but dont be too overt or desperate. If she's completely unresponsive stop immediately. There is also the fact that their job hinges on them being nice to everyone- also a power issue. Hi, OP here. Oh man! I really dont understand the snark here, much less the do as I please nobody was threatening you with a restraining order. Since the OP is the customer, if read it correctly, the OP should ask the question. I dont really care how kind you are or subtle about itits still off-putting. So try some small-talk and see where it takes you, but be polite and do not ask for a date up front. If the cashier is interested in going out, its best to take things slow and get to know each other better before making any big decisions. Get their attention by saying something like I was wondering if youd like to grab dinner sometime rather than Will you go out with me? when Im meeting someone new. tru dat mirth!!.. Should be a great (event, e.g. But, you know, its such a personal thing, asking someone out. .. ask her name first. ), This comment made me chuckle a little because I know that my husband (were he available) would never, ever pick up on this type of hint. factors in her favor: -she is a very nice, polite person who would definitely have apologized and avoided ever going to that coffee shop again if he seemed offended or creeped out
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